As 2013 prepares to be nothing more than memories and 2014 prepares to make it’s grand entrance, I am suddenly struck by fear.
Fear of everything that is waiting ahead of me…and I know that is not good.
As I look back on all of the years that have passed, there has been both good and bad. I have always survived the tough times and those tough times made the good times all the more sweeter. I know that everything life tosses at me happens for a reason and is given to me as a lesson that will mold me into the person I am meant to be. One would think that knowing this would allow for me to continually move forward with confidence, but sadly I am sitting here frozen in fear.
This year has been full of change and quite honestly, as horrible as some of it seemed, it was all for the best. Losing my job in March felt like the end of the world at first, but I had long since outgrown that place and I was comfortable, so I stayed. Life knew it was time for me to move on so it removed me from my comfort zone and actually allowed me to take advantage of some wonderful opportunities over the summer. Those opportunities pushed me even further out of that comfort zone by making me participate in group fitness, allowing me to meet some incredibly inspiring people and allowing me to look deeper into myself and my passion for fitness. As a result, I enrolled in NASM classes to become a Certified Personal Trainer and while I’m full of excitement with this decision, I am also full of fear due to it.
There is a fear and anxiety of failing. It’s overpowering at times and it brings me to tears. As I posted in the past, I hold myself to such high standards that I don’t allow myself to make mistakes and that needs to change. I’ve made some progress in this area but I feel like I have so much riding on this that I have to be tough on myself.
2013 has forced me to look at myself, what I like, what I don’t like and what I would love to do. I don’t want to do a job just to earn a paycheck. I’ve been given a gift this year and I intend to make the most of it. Hopefully my best is enough to get me to where I wish to be…if not, I guess there is something grander out there and I haven’t figured it out yet.
With that, my resolution for 2014 is to let go of the fear. It is not going to be easy as I am a worrier by nature. I worry about everything and it’s an awful thing. I know that I can’t change the past and worrying about the future is silly because it hasn’t happened yet. I need to learn how to live in the moment and truly just enjoy life as it happens. I’m not saying that thought won’t be put into the future, but I am refusing to drive myself crazy worrying about the “what if’s”. In all honesty, I have an amazingly supportive family and as long as they are happy and healthy I’ve succeeded.
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