Tag Archives: mental struggle

Post-Op Update

It’s been a little over 6 weeks since I had my surgery and I can’t believe how well I am healing!

A few weeks ago I was depressed, swollen and second guessing my decision to have the tummy tuck and abdominal repair. Today? I am on cloud nine and loving my results!

I have almost no restrictions on activities now. The only thing I am not allowed to do are any abdominal workouts until I hit the 5 month mark. I am currently on week three of my routine, and I opted to do ChaLEAN Extreme’s Push month, three times a week, to build up my arm strength again. I toyed with starting from month 1 of her program, but Push has always been my favorite so I figured why not?! I am definitely lifting lighter than I was pre-surgery, but I don’t mind at all and I’m sure I will  be back where I was in no time. The only parts I’ve had to skip are the push-ups since I feel too much of a pull in my core, and some of the single leg squats for the same stability reasons.

The other great thing is I no longer have to wear the compression garment and I have had zero swelling in the past two weeks. This really surprised because I read a lot of blogs and boards about tummy tucks and everyone struggled with swelling and still felt like they needed their compression garment at this point. I am by no means complaining, and hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself …that would however be my luck.

Over the past two weeks I have been filled with a new found sense of joy when it comes to my body. I no longer second guess what I am going to wear. I don’t stare at myself, nit picking the imperfections that only I would notice. It’s a feeling that is so foreign to me but feels so wonderful and rewarding. I love seeing what I truly accomplished over the past 3 years with my body. I worked damn hard to achieve this and I am FINALLY getting to see the true results.

Today, I tried on a bikini and after the initial shock and awe of seeing my very pale stomach exposed, I loved my reflection. It felt amazing to stand there in a two piece bathing suit and not want to cry my eyes out. As a matter of fact, I felt so comfortable and happy, I took this photo to share with everyone here.

Please pardon the pastiness of my complexion. If it ever stops raining here, I may be able to lay out in my yard and get a slight tan.

So…there you have it. My post-op update, the first time I have ever shared a photo of myself, in a bathing suit, for all of the internet to see, and my new found confidence, all rolled up into one neat little blog post.

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Another Year Down

I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I made the decision to become healthy. There are days it seems like just yesterday that I started on the path to this lifestyle, and then there are days where I can’t imagine living the way I did. The fast food runs, over sized portions and constant bonding with my couch. I cringe when I think about all of that, but without it, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Looking back, I’ve come a long way. I haven’t eaten McDonald’s in well over 2 years, my body craves exercise and healthy foods and then there’s the 100+ pounds I’ve lost as a result of those things. Oh and let’s not forget my recent surgery. THAT is something I never dreamed I would be doing when I started all of this. I am a completely different person than I was three years ago and I am so grateful for that. I know that I have added years to my life with the choices I have made. It’s also nice to know that I no longer have to wish I can shop in certain stores and trying on new clothes is something I enjoy doing now.

One of the things I love the most about my journey, is knowing that I have inspired so many people along the way. I am one of those people who tend to be very hard on themselves. I don’t easily give myself credit for what I accomplish, so when I receive e-mails, messages and comments from people whom I have inspired, it’s very touching. It also in turn inspires me to keep going and to be the best ME I can possibly be.

If you asked me three years ago if I would ever be able to do the physical things I can now, I would have said you were crazy. I am forever amazed at what my body has been able to do, how strong it can be and how much I have grown mentally. There is nothing I can’t do …as long as I get out of my own way. Ha! The mental battle of this journey has been the most difficult but most amazing aspect. It’s all about mind over matter, seeing is believing and having confidence in yourself.

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog, comments on my posts and keeps me motivated!

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Less Than One Week and Counting

Today was my pre-op appointment with the surgeon, which means my surgery is less than a week away….YIKES!

My nerves have been on edge lately as the surgery date rapidly approaches. There is excitement to finally have my muscle issues corrected and to say farewell to the excess skin that taunts me as I get dressed daily. Then there is fear. Fear of going under the knife and everything that could go wrong. I think excitement is finally starting to win out over the fear, but that is something that can flip flop at any moment. I know…way to stay positive Nikki. Sigh.

At today’s appointment, we went over everything regarding the surgery again. I got to slip into the oh so sexy, pink gown that I’m shown wearing, but this time I was also lucky enough to put on a pair of black, string, mesh-like underwear. Be jealous! …and no…there is no photo of those horrific underwear, sorry. 

Once in my lovely new attire, I was asked to stand by a blue wall so the surgeon could take my “before” photos. I had to face him, then left, the angled, then right, then angled again. This is when I mentally died a little of embarrassment.

After photos were done I had some measurements taken for the support binder I will have to wear for 2 weeks post surgery and then I was able to ditch the pink gown, hop back into my clothing and move to the next room where my vitals were taken.

The next segment of my pre-op appointment took place in the conference room where we went over all the surgery again. I was given my surgery time, we went over all of the risks, do’s and don’ts for both pre and post surgery and I was able to ask questions at this time. He also showed and explained the “pain pump” to me again. After reading things on-line, I’m very happy the surgeon I selected uses one of these and I think it’s going to make life a lot easier that first week.

Once everything was gone over and I signed all of the consent forms, we made our way up front and I was given my prescription for post surgical pain medication, appointments for post-op care and I received my “Recovery Support Program” which is a box of vitamins that I started taking tonight. In the box are the following item:


Clinical Support: Morning Formula – I have to take 3 tablets daily with breakfast or lunch, from now through 2 weeks post surgery.

Clinical Support: Evening Formula – I have to take 3 tablets daily with dinner or at bedtime, from now through 2 weeks post surgery.

Bromelin with Quercetin – 2 capsules on an empty stomach before breakfast, lunch AND dinner, for 3 days prior to surgery and continue for 7 days post surgery.

Arnica Montana 30X HPUS – The evening of surgery and for 7-14 days after, 3 tablets, under the tongue on an empty stomach before breakfast, lunch AND dinner.

*I also need to take 500mg of Vitamin C twice a day as it helps to promote healing.

As I type this, I can feel all of the pills I just swallowed sitting in my chest. This is A LOT of pills to swallow daily and I must admit, I’m not looking forward to it…however, they are supposed to help me to recover faster sooooo……

After receiving my surgical handbook and goody bag of prescriptions, appointments, pills and antiseptic cleanser, I was off to talk with the surgical nurse. She went over when and how to use the antiseptic cleaner and what I can and cannot use when prepping myself the day of surgery. She went over all of the vitamins again and made sure I received my prescription for blood work.

From there, I went to the financial office, where I left a very large chunk of money and suddenly it hit me…..I’m actually going through with this!

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I Deserve To Be Happy, Dammit!

I know my blog hasn’t had a lot of content lately and I know that my tone hasn’t been very positive, but I guess everyone goes through it at some point or another. Depression isn’t fun, but it is a reality.

After falling off the wagon with the Shred about two weeks ago, and hitting a mental low this past week, I’ve decided that I have to get myself back on track with my workouts. I owe it to myself and I’m only cheating myself  by not doing it.

My daily workouts brought me happiness. I felt accomplished after doing them and feeling how strong I was. I mentally had a place to focus energy and they would bring a sense of calm to my day. They were a natural Xanax for me, I suppose.

I need this happiness in my life. I need a place to focus my energy and I need to feel calm.

The weight I have lost over the past few years is my greatest accomplishment, with the exception of the two beautiful children my husband and I brought into this world. What sets my weight loss apart is that I did it on my own. No one could make me work out and eat the proper foods. I had to make the choice to wake up everyday and do what I needed to do to become the healthy person my children deserve.

During the trying times in life, they help me focus and remain a calm, well balanced person.

I know it’s not going to be easy to get back into a groove. I know I have a huge mental struggle ahead of me, but I was strong enough to do it once, so I’m sure I’m strong enough to do it again.

From this moment on, I’m dusting myself off (again) and getting myself back on track….because I deserve to be happy, dammit!

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Experimenting with Sport Beans…


During the past week of Insanity, trying to find balance between meals and workout times has been a challenge. I’ve found that I have to wait at least 2 hours after a meal to begin my workout or I will puke. The problem with this, is that I’ve been eating every 2-2.5 hours since beginning this program, so I end up running out of energy halfway through my workout and struggle to finish.

While talking with my #insanecrew the other day my beloved coach brought up Sport Beans. I had never heard of  them before so I instantly started asking questions. I found out that there is this whole group of energy aids out there that runners like ranging from Sport Beans to some stuff called GU. Apparently you take them before a hard workout and they give you the energy that you need to make it through without a big meal…SCORE!

Of course I hunted down these beans and bought a few bags in various flavors, along with some GU to test them out and see if they actually worked.

Last night was the big night…I decided to test out the Sport Beans! I flipped over the bag, read the directions and started chomping away on them 30 mins before my workout as directed. Some of the flavors were quite icky (yes, I used the word icky) while the fruit punch and berry were actually quite good. I grabbed some water since you are supposed to hydrate while using them and started my workout.

Fast forward to the halfway point were I felt the beans sitting in my chest and I was as jittery as a junkie who took too much speed! I had TONS of energy but couldn’t hold a plank pose to save my life cause my arms were shaky and I felt sick from the sweetness of the beans.

Of course when my workout was over I told my #insanecrew about my experience and found out that I shouldn’t have followed the package directions. It seems that eating 3-4 beans as I’m waiting for the disc to load is all I should have done…..can you say oops?! (Or should I say “Thanks for the heads up tweeps!”)

Lesson of the Day: Don’t eat a whole package of Sports Beans to do an INSANITY workout unless you want to be a jitter-iffic mess for the rest of the night/day.

Today I tried them again for Pure Cardio and I only popped 2 beans as I pressed play. I had plenty of energy for the workout, didn’t feel hungry at the halfway mark and didn’t get jittery at all. (Insert the “SCORE!” I was searching for.)

By following this modified way of using them I give them a huge thumbs up and thank my coach for telling me about them. (Even if I wanted to kill him last night for not telling me this sooner to ignore the package directions.)

For those you interested in Sport Beans here is some info or you can go to their website. I also found out that they make Extreme Sport Beans with caffeine. I guess I should be grateful I didn’t chomp down a whole pack of those last night!

Sport Beans™, from the makers of Jelly Belly® beans, are specially formulated to fuel your body before, during and after exercise.

  • Simply explained, Sport Beans are Jelly Beans formulated with carbohydrates, electrolytes and vitamins B and C
  • Eat one packet with one to two cups of water about 30 minutes before exercising
  • During a long workout, eat one packet every 45 minutes
  • Eat after a workout to replenish muscles of depleted carbohydrates

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Drama + Haters = Fuel for the Fire

Everyone has drama in their lives at one point of another. Some of us are blessed with it more often then others (that is total sarcasm in case you didn’t know).

I often walk through life wondering if I do anything right. I can never seem to make everyone happy. I always do something to piss someone off and most recently my fitness achievements have made me a hated person amongst certain circles of people – there is nothing worse than walking through a room and feeling a giant target on your back!

However, I have learned to turn that drama and target on my back into fuel for my fire. Instead of getting worked up over it and saying things that can’t change the way another person thinks I unleash my fury in my workouts. The more someone says I am crazy for doing the workouts I do, or refuse to give me credit for the work I have done the more it makes me want to succeed and show them how wrong they are.

Instead of sitting around moping over a disagreement or some new drama that has cropped up I do Kenpo or grab my sneakers and hit the trail. Both help me to clear my mind, keep a level head and improve myself in the process. It also helps me to realize that the important part is that I am happy!

I am finally reaching a point in my life where I am putting myself first. I am surrounding myself with positive people. I am realizing that I CAN’T make everyone happy…that is impossible without completely losing yourself. I am doing everything possible to ensure that I reach my goals and do the things in life that I want to do. I can’t stop drama from entering my life or make people respect the life choices that I have made but I can certainly turn those things into fuel for my fire and reach my goals and most importantly achieve self happiness.

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