Less Than One Week and Counting

Today was my pre-op appointment with the surgeon, which means my surgery is less than a week away….YIKES!

My nerves have been on edge lately as the surgery date rapidly approaches. There is excitement to finally have my muscle issues corrected and to say farewell to the excess skin that taunts me as I get dressed daily. Then there is fear. Fear of going under the knife and everything that could go wrong. I think excitement is finally starting to win out over the fear, but that is something that can flip flop at any moment. I know…way to stay positive Nikki. Sigh.

At today’s appointment, we went over everything regarding the surgery again. I got to slip into the oh so sexy, pink gown that I’m shown wearing, but this time I was also lucky enough to put on a pair of black, string, mesh-like underwear. Be jealous! …and no…there is no photo of those horrific underwear, sorry. 

Once in my lovely new attire, I was asked to stand by a blue wall so the surgeon could take my “before” photos. I had to face him, then left, the angled, then right, then angled again. This is when I mentally died a little of embarrassment.

After photos were done I had some measurements taken for the support binder I will have to wear for 2 weeks post surgery and then I was able to ditch the pink gown, hop back into my clothing and move to the next room where my vitals were taken.

The next segment of my pre-op appointment took place in the conference room where we went over all the surgery again. I was given my surgery time, we went over all of the risks, do’s and don’ts for both pre and post surgery and I was able to ask questions at this time. He also showed and explained the “pain pump” to me again. After reading things on-line, I’m very happy the surgeon I selected uses one of these and I think it’s going to make life a lot easier that first week.

Once everything was gone over and I signed all of the consent forms, we made our way up front and I was given my prescription for post surgical pain medication, appointments for post-op care and I received my “Recovery Support Program” which is a box of vitamins that I started taking tonight. In the box are the following item:


Clinical Support: Morning Formula – I have to take 3 tablets daily with breakfast or lunch, from now through 2 weeks post surgery.

Clinical Support: Evening Formula – I have to take 3 tablets daily with dinner or at bedtime, from now through 2 weeks post surgery.

Bromelin with Quercetin – 2 capsules on an empty stomach before breakfast, lunch AND dinner, for 3 days prior to surgery and continue for 7 days post surgery.

Arnica Montana 30X HPUS – The evening of surgery and for 7-14 days after, 3 tablets, under the tongue on an empty stomach before breakfast, lunch AND dinner.

*I also need to take 500mg of Vitamin C twice a day as it helps to promote healing.

As I type this, I can feel all of the pills I just swallowed sitting in my chest. This is A LOT of pills to swallow daily and I must admit, I’m not looking forward to it…however, they are supposed to help me to recover faster sooooo……

After receiving my surgical handbook and goody bag of prescriptions, appointments, pills and antiseptic cleanser, I was off to talk with the surgical nurse. She went over when and how to use the antiseptic cleaner and what I can and cannot use when prepping myself the day of surgery. She went over all of the vitamins again and made sure I received my prescription for blood work.

From there, I went to the financial office, where I left a very large chunk of money and suddenly it hit me…..I’m actually going through with this!

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Farmer’s Markets…I’m A Fan

As the warm weather starts to show it’s face around here, I have noticed a change in my food cravings. I no longer want those heavy comfort foods. I want fruit, fresh vegetables and the smell of something yummy grilling. Maybe it’s a subconscious thing…but the healthy eating instinct kicks in as the layers of clothing are no longer needed and that sweater can’t hide the truth about how many scoops of mashed potatoes you consumed with your meatloaf.

While I am NOT a fan of summer, I AM a fan of the Farmer’s Markets and road-side stands that pop up everywhere during it. I love driving by, seeing what looks good and planning my dinner for that night based off of what I find. Nothing beats fresh zucchini, red ripe tomatoes and just picked string beans to me. There is also something about all of the colors and smells that just make me happy.

Last year, I came to appreciate these stands even more since I was a vegetarian. The amount of fresh fruits and vegetables I purchased every week was insane. Between how expensive they can be and how quickly they spoil, I liked not having to go all the way to the grocery store to get them. There is also something about buying these items from the person who grew them that makes them taste better to me. You can save so much money buying them fresh, in season and directly from the farmer.

Last year, I blogged about GMO’s and organic foods. It was something that became important to me as I began to take care of my body. I was happy to learn about all of the organic Farmer’s Market’s that were close to home because I didn’t like having to rely on the grocery store as my only option for obtaining these items. Plus, I think it’s so much nicer to support local farmers than it is to pump money into these big name companies.

So, as the weather warms up I’ll be getting my charcoal ready and sorting through my vegetarian recipes so I’ll be ready when my favorite part of summer is set up roadside.

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Want to find a local Farmer’s Market near you? Check out Local Harvest.

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What I Wore {Anniversary Dinner}


Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary by going out for dinner to a local restaurant. I have been sick since Friday with some kind of strange stomach bug, so this is the first time I’ve put any form of effort into getting dressed for a while.

Black 3/4 length sleeve shirt: Old Navy, Grey tank top: Target, Black and Grey Scarf: Charlotte Russe, Jeans: Charlotte Russe, Boots: Charlotte Russe
(You can tell I’ve been sick in this photo….damn I look tired!)

It was chilly out yesterday so I was happy we didn’t go anywhere super fancy that called for a dress or heels. I like feeling pulled together but casual and this is certainly a step up from the sweats I’ve been rockin’ for the past 4 days.

Hope everyone had a great day!

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Getting Nervous

First off, I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to read my last blog post. The amount of messages, tweets and e-mails I received after posting that were amazing. It’s nice to know that I am not the only person who has thought about this. It’s also so reassuring to have the support of so many wonderful people, as I prepare myself for a new leg of my journey. You are all amazing and inspirational to me. Thank you! XOXO

Since being sick the last few days, I have laid in bed with my laptop and searched different blogs and message boards regarding tummy tucks. This my friends, is the perfect way to freak yourself out and question what you are doing. I don’t recommend it. At. All.

I am one week out from my pre-op appointment and I wanted to make a list of questions to bring with me so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed and forget things while there. I am an over planner and I feel its my job to have everything I might possibly need BEFORE the big day arrives. I’ve also been freaking out about being sick. We seem to be passing some funky bug around the house and I have this new fear of catching something right before surgery day. If I could set off a Lysol bomb and give us all Clorox baths, I probably would. (I know…relax, Nikki)

Anyway…I need to stop focusing on all the “problem” posts I’ve seen on these boards. Issues can arise, yes…but it’s not the norm. While I think it is important to be aware of what can happen, you can’t dwell and fret over it. I think I have very realistic expectations heading into this. I have a ton of confidence in my surgeon and his work. I just need to settle down and stay positive about everything, which is sometimes easier said than done. I think it’s just this rough patch in life that’s been getting the best of me. It seems that whatever can go wrong, has gone wrong so, it’s causing extra anxiety about this procedure. Meh!

Stay tuned for next weeks Pre-op blog and if you have been through this and have any advice….please share!

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We All Have Secrets

…and I’m about to share one of mine:

“I have loose skin around my abdomen.”

There! I said it. (As embarrassing as it is to do so.)

Despite 2.5 rounds of P90X, 2 rounds of Insanity, ChaLean Extreme, running, other workouts and eating healthy, I am left with a reminder of what my body once was, in the form of sagging skin. I can’t say that I am surprised by this at all. I neglected my body for years, packed on the pounds and I also gave birth to two beautiful children. I knew my body would never be “perfect” but I did have hopes that my skin would bounce back more than it did.

A year ago when I reached that 100lb+ weight-loss milestone, I began to research tummy tucks and started to really contemplate having one done. Of course the thought of going under the knife scares the shit out of me and I don’t exactly have thousands of dollars sitting around collecting dust, so I tossed the thought into the “maybe someday” file in my brain. However, I knew if it was something I was ever going to do, I would have to prove to myself that this truly did become a lifestyle and that my old habits wouldn’t creep back up on me.

As you have read here, over the past year I have had struggles with nutrition as well as my workouts, but thankfully never at the same time. Despite these struggles, I have never gained more than 8lbs and I have always dropped it as soon as I felt I gained it. (Yes, I can totally feel when my weight shifts now…it’s weird, but I can call the number on the scale before I even step on it). My measurements have even stayed consistent over the past year which really made me happy and brought the thought of a tummy tuck back to the front of my mind again.

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my husband about how upset this extra skin made me. How frustrating it was to look in the mirror and not be able to see past it despite all of the hard work I have done over these 3 years. I broke down into tears, which is something I hate to do, but this is something that I’m really embarrassed about. (You have no idea how hard it is to even type this blog right now). For the first time, he saw the pain I felt and we discussed going for consultations to see how much it would be to have the tummy tuck done and to find out if I was even a candidate for it.

Yesterday, I went for a consultation with a plastic surgeon who came highly recommended by the doctor I used to work for. I studied photos of his work and looked at patient reviews  on-line for the 2 weeks leading up to this appointment. The anxiety I had going into that office was unreal but I womaned-up, put on the pink paper gown they left for me and stood before the surgeon to have all of my imperfections examined. After the exam, we sat in a conference room and discussed the procedure in detail. He answered all of my questions, gave me all of the information I would need to make a decision and he then walked me down to the hall to another office where the financial portion of the consultation would be handled. I sat there nervously as I prepared myself for number anxiety. This portion of the consultation should really come with a shot of Patron or Jack Daniels…a person needs something to take the edge off when a tiny piece of paper with a large number is about to be presented to them. The woman entered the room with said piece of paper and there was an extra digit before the coma that I wasn’t quite prepared for. At this point some smelling salts would have also been nice to revive me and bring me back to present time so I could have heard her going over “payment policies”.  I managed to smile even though I was discouraged by the price and I left the office when she was done, with some information on financing in case I needed that as an option...uh yeah! Last time I checked the money tree in my backyard hadn’t sprouted yet.

I called my husband after the appointment and almost immediately lost it. I felt all of my hope for ridding myself of the “old me” slipping away after seeing the price tag on the procedure and he quickly calmed me down. He talked me off the ledge and said all of the things I needed to hear. Another phone call to my mother and I was feeling better again. There were a few more wishy washy moments that evening but after the three of us sat down over dinner, went through all of my options and scenarios, it was decided that I earned this procedure.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I decided to go ahead with the tummy tuck and this morning, I called the office and made the appointment to say farewell to the last remaining reminder of the “old me”. In three short weeks, it will be nothing more than a very painful incision on my abdomen….Dammit! I wasn’t supposed to think about that now.

I know this is not going to be an easy road, but they say anything in life worth having, isn’t easy. Heck, the past 3 years of my life weren’t easy either, but with hard work and dedication, I proved that I wanted it bad enough to get it.

So there you have it…the big secret I’ve been hiding is out on the web for everyone to read…and I feel a slight sense of relief now that I’ve shared it.

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Have you had a tummy tuck? If so, please share your recovery tips with me.

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Spring Is In The Air

This week we had a fabulous taste of spring and of course, we headed to the park!

I love that we have an amazing a recreation center right near our house. It is home to the fitness trail that I have blogged about many times and there are great playgrounds, baseball and soccer fields, as well as roller hockey rinks, basketball and tennis courts.

At first I was looking forward to heading out on my own to walk/jog the fitness trail, but then my husband received a phone call from his cousin who was there and looking to play basketball. We decided to head over there so they could shoot some hoops and I took our son to the playground to burn some energy and get some fresh air.

Upon our arrival, I was surprised at how empty it was since it was such a gorgeous night, but I was so happy. An empty playground means that I can be a big kid on they play equipment with my son instead of just sitting on the sidelines watching him. We giggled, chased each other and went down the slides together despite the sign that says the playground is for ages 5-12 I’m such a rebel!

After about an hour of playground fun, followed by a quick drive to pick up my daughter from a friends house, we headed to the basketball courts to meet up with the hubs and his cousin. The kids and I started playing around with them and really had a good time.

It was a fun night of fresh air, some exercise and most importantly…family time. I look forward to more nights spent at the rec center…be it taking a walk, shooting hoops or playing on the playground, I’m happy we can be active and have fun as a family.

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What I Wore {Friday Night: Dinner and the Mall}

While this outfit isn’t super exciting, I am head over heels in love with this shirt. I was aimlessly wondering the clothing section at Target the day I tried on the dress and it caught my eye. I don’t know if it was the color or the fact that it is part of the Converse One Star line, but I had to try it on.

I was surprised at how well it fit and I loved the color. I also loved the fact that it is girly but not floral. I have a major thing for neutral and earthy tones, so this fits in with that while bringing a slight pop of color.

Shirt: Target’s Converse One Star line, Jeans: GAP

The shirt looks pink in this photo but it’s actually burgandy.
I love the detail on it and just tossed on my black “boyfriend” sweater I bought at Target cause it was chilly.

 This is just an example of little changes I am trying to make to look more “pulled together” while not putting a ton of effort into getting dressed. I’m realizing I can just as easily slip into a shirt like this, as I can into a Star Wars t-shirt ;)

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Happy St. Patty’s Day!

 I’m taking another step outside of my normal posts and I’m sharing the recipes I am making today for St. Patty’s Day!

If you are looking for low calorie recipes, I’m sorry to say that on special occasions like this, I usually don’t stray from what the recipe calls for. I know some people may think that sounds odd, but I only eat these dishes once a year, so to me, it’s not that big of a deal to enjoy them in their full fat versions. I’m sure there are plenty of way to “lighten” them up, so if you’d like to give that a try, please feel free to and let me know how they turn out.

The first staple recipe is off course corned beef. It is the one time of year I think everyone and their mother eats this cut of beef. I never had it before marrying into an Irish family so the first few years I just boiled it with potatoes and cabbage and to be honest, I really didn’t like it. I eventually began looking up other ways of preparing it and found this recipe which is now my yearly traditional way of preparing it.

Guinness Corned Beef 

Ingredients:

4lb Corned Beef Brisket
1 cup of brown sugar
1 bottle of Guinness stout beer

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Rinse and pat dry the brisket. Place in a roasting pan on a rack. Rub the brown sugar on the corned beef to coat, including the bottom side. Pour the bottle of Guinness around the corned beef and gently over the top to wet the sugar.

Cover and place in the preheated oven. Bake for 2.5 – 3 hours. Allow meat to rest about 5 minutes before slicing.

Since I don’t boil the corned beef, I needed a different recipe for the potatoes and cabbage and stumbled upon the Irish side dish below:

Colcannon

Ingredients:

3lbs of potatoes
2 sticks of butter
1 1/4 cups of hot milk
Freshly ground pepper, to taste
1 head of cabbage, cored and finely shredded
1 lbs of ham or bacon, cooked the day before
4 scallions, finely chopped
Chopped parsley, as a garnish if desired

Steam the potatoes in their skins for 30 minutes. Peel them using a knife and fork. Chop with a knife before mashing. Mash thoroughly to remove all of the lumps. Add 1 stick of butter in pieces. Gradually add hot milk, stirring the entire time. Season with black pepper.

Boil the cabbage in unsalted water until it turns a dark color. Add 2 tablespoons of butter to tenderize it. Cover with a lid for 2 minutes. Drain thoroughly before returning it to the pan. Chop into small pieces.

Chop ham or bacon into small pieces and set aside.

Add cabbage, scallions and ham or bacon to the potatoes, stirring gently. Sprinkle with chopped parsley to garnish, if desired.

We also have soda bread with the meal (or pick at it while cooking all day)

Irish Soda Bread 

Ingredients:

3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 stick of butter (softened, almost melted)
1 cups raisins
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 egg

Preheat over to 350 degrees.

Mix all of the dry ingredients together. Mix in all the wet ingredients. Fold in the raisins.

Pour batter into a greased 9 inch round pan. Bake for 50 minutes or until golden brown.

What would a meal like this be without dessert? Of course my sweet tooth almost fainted when I saw this recipe so I had to try it. This is the first time I have ever made this recipe and I haven’t tasted the whole cupcake, but I have tasted all three components and can’t wait to sink my teeth into these little cups of deliciousness!

Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes

Ingredients:

Makes 24 cupcakes

For the Cupcakes:
1 cup Guinness stout
1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
¾ cup Dutch-process cocoa powder
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups granulated sugar
1½ teaspoons baking soda
¾ teaspoons salt
2 eggs
2/3 cup sour cream

For the Whiskey Ganache Filling:
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons butter, at room temperature
2 teaspoons Irish whiskey

For the Baileys Frosting:
2 cups unsalted butter, at room temperature
5 cups powdered sugar
6 tablespoons Baileys Irish Cream

To Make the Cupcakes:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 24 cupcake cups with liners. Bring the Guinness and butter to a simmer in a heavy, medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and whisk until the mixture is smooth. Cool slightly.

Whisk the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt in a large bowl to combine. Using an electric mixer, beat the eggs and sour cream on medium speed until combined. Add the Guinness-chocolate mixture to the egg mixture and beat just to combine. Reduce the speed to low, add the flour mixture and beat briefly. Using a rubber spatula, fold the batter until completely combined. Divide the batter among the cupcake liners. Bake until a thin knife inserted into the center comes out clean, about 17 minutes. Cool the cupcakes on a rack.

To Make the Whiskey Ganache Filling:
Finely chop the chocolate and transfer it to a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream until simmering and pour it over the chocolate. Let it sit for one minute and then, using a rubber spatula, stir it from the center outward until smooth. Add the butter and irish whiskey and stir until combined. Let the ganache cool until thick but still soft enough to be piped.

To Fill the Cupcakes:
Using a 1 inch round cookie cutter (or the bottom of a large decorating tip), cut the centers out of the cooled cupcakes, go about two-thirds of the way down. Place the ganache in a piping bag with a wide tip and fill the holes in each cupcake to the top.

To Make the Baileys Frosting:
Using the whisk attachment of a stand mixer, whip the butter on medium-high speed for 5 minutes, scraping the sides of the bowl occasionally. Reduce the speed to medium-low and gradually add the powdered sugar until all of it is incorporated. Add the Baileys, increase the speed to medium-high and whip for another 2 to 3 minutes, until it is light and fluffy.

Using your favorite decorating tip or offset spatula, frost the cupcakes and decorate with sprinkles, if desired.

Store the cupcakes in an airtight container.

Of course all of the above will be served with actual Irish Car Bombs, Heineken Light and probably some elastic waist pants.

Hope you have a Happy St. Patty’s Day!

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My Last Class Almost Killed Me

As many of you know, a few weeks ago my neighbor and I purchased 3 hot yoga classes at a semi-local studio. We skipped going last week and last night was our third and final class.

We arrived early and headed straight for the room to “claim” our spots for class. During our first class we were a little late and were stuck in a back corner with little room to move and we were right next to the steam machine. Our second class we ended up separated and on the right side of the room, it was super hot and you couldn’t feel the steam, so last night we decided to try the center in a quest to find balance. Little did we know when attending last nights class that we would have a different instructor…a crazy instructor…who I think was trying to boil us without us knowing, a la the old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

As we were sitting there waiting for class to start, I noticed the beads of sweat already starting to form on me. I thought it was because I didn’t drink enough water and tried to chalk it up to my really not wanting to be there, but I began to notice it on other people as well. Class started and it was ran a little differently because of the new instructor, so I found I had to pay closer attention. That was hard to do because I couldn’t get over the heat…plus I had sweat pouring into my eyes and I kept feeling dizzy.

Before long, I noticed I wasn’t the only one unable to hold poses or having to drop down into child’s pose to regain composure. It was happening all around me…even to the “advanced” students who I have looked to when I was unsure of how a pose should look. Everyone just looked exhausted and unsure of what was going on. The yoga instructor seemed to keep turning the heat on and off too and even opened the door to let cool air in a few times but nothing seemed to help. I mean, you know something is up when the yoga instructor has sweat pouring off her as she is only walking around making sure people are in the poses properly.

I made it through the standing balance poses….barely and with lots of breaks, and thought I’d be okay once we reached the floor portion, but I was wrong. With about 15 minutes left to class I had to tap out. I felt dizzy and like I was going to puke, plus I also ran out of water and needed cool, fresh air badly. I quietly got up from my mat, opened the door, and found 3 other students in the hallway, all bent over and looking like they were either going to pass out or puke as well. We sat there joking around, talking about how crazy class was this week and enjoying the cool night air from the window I opened, until class let out.

EVERYONE (save for one guy who seemed to enjoy being steamed alive) came out and complained about how hot it was. One of the guys I was talking to actually went back in to check the thermostat and said it was at almost 130 degrees! What the deuce, lady!!!

I am so glad that was not my first adventure in hot yoga, as it would probably be my last. While it felt good to sweat out the toxins in my body, I was unable to do most of the poses and that just defeats the purpose of the class to me. If I want to just sweat my ass off, I’ll go sit in a sauna for 90 minutes.

Will I return to hot yoga? I don’t know. I’ll most likely do a class here or there, however the nice weather is almost here (well, it actually is here right now as it is in the 70’s all week) and I’d much rather walk the fitness trail, enjoy the cool, fresh air and beauty of nature.

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P.S. – I shall also admit here that after class, my neighbor and I went to Five Guys for a burger cause we were starving. I at least only got a little burger and I skipped the bacon and fries. I know this was not ideal “post workout” food, but damn was it good!

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What I Wore {Shopping & A Wedding}

Yesterday I took a shopping trip up to Target. I’ve been there a few times over the past 2 weeks and I’ve found myself drawn to the spring dresses they have on the racks. While there, I grabbed the Jason Wu dress I have on in the photo below, along with a few other spring dresses, a shirt and a bathing suit (GASP!).

I’ve noticed that I am finally used to grabbing the proper size from the rack for myself. I used to always grab a larger size and I think that as I become more comfortable in my new skin, the reality of my actual size is setting in.

This is me in the fitting with the Jason Wu dress on. As cute as it was, it didn’t fit right and this was the ONLY one left.

After my shopping trip at Target, I had a wedding to get ready for. I always hate getting for weddings, especially when I am unsure of the type of place it is. I knew it was a casual event but I never want to go somewhere and be overdressed or under dressed. I am a fan of blending in with the crowd since I don’t handle attention well. After trying on multiple options, this is what I decided to go with:

Teal Dress: Old Navy (Last year), Zebra sweater: Charlotte Russe (Last Year), Shoes: Madden Girl

Close up of sweater and dress

Close-up of my shoes…which are heels…nothing crazy, but they are heels.
(I also love that the weather is warming up and my tattoo can see the light of day again.) 

I have to admit, I’ve had fun putting more effort into getting dressed. I’ve even had fun trying things on…including the bathing suit which was a pleasant surprise. Tapping into a new side of myself is proving to be enjoyable, and I look forward to making more strides in self acceptance.

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