Tag Archives: Self Acceptance

February 6, 2012 · 7:30 PM

Think Less & Live More

This is my new outlook on fitness.

I have been stuck in this awful rut of over thinking what I have and have not been doing. I’ve been dwelling on the negative instead of the positive, and that my friends is no bueno.

For so long I’ve been fixated on reaching my goals and doing what I had to do to reach them. Well, you know what? I reached them and I guess I hit that point of not really knowing what to do next.

I had nothing to focus on anymore and found myself wandering around, trying to find happiness in what was familiar but not really what I needed anymore. Now, don’t me wrong. I’m not saying I don’t need to work out daily, or that I wouldn’t benefit from it. What I am saying, is that the need and want wasn’t really there anymore. Part of me wanted to see if I could maintain the goals I achieved without the “beast mode” level of fitness I had become accustomed to….and you now what? I did…and it’s a great feeling.

From here on out I want to take things day by day. I want to enjoy whats around me and just go with the flow of the mood I’m in. I don’t want to plan every workout in advance. I want to just do what I feel like doing that day.

Some people may think that’s crazy and to them I say, to each their own. I will have my guidelines for the 3 days a week I plan on working out and I will just pick from the workout DVD collections I have to fill the needs of that day. Some days it might be P90X or Insanity, others running or yoga.

At this point of my journey I believe my nutrition is the most important part, and it’s the area I have gained the most progress in. To me, it was the hardest to get under control and while I will indulge in kettle chips, Five Guys and ice cream from time to time, I am no where near, nor could I ever return to the fast food fiend I once was.

So…from here on out, I vow to (over) think less & live more, because if I can’t enjoy the goals I have obtained, what’s the point?

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January 30, 2012 · 1:11 AM

I Deserve To Be Happy, Dammit!

I know my blog hasn’t had a lot of content lately and I know that my tone hasn’t been very positive, but I guess everyone goes through it at some point or another. Depression isn’t fun, but it is a reality.

After falling off the wagon with the Shred about two weeks ago, and hitting a mental low this past week, I’ve decided that I have to get myself back on track with my workouts. I owe it to myself and I’m only cheating myself  by not doing it.

My daily workouts brought me happiness. I felt accomplished after doing them and feeling how strong I was. I mentally had a place to focus energy and they would bring a sense of calm to my day. They were a natural Xanax for me, I suppose.

I need this happiness in my life. I need a place to focus my energy and I need to feel calm.

The weight I have lost over the past few years is my greatest accomplishment, with the exception of the two beautiful children my husband and I brought into this world. What sets my weight loss apart is that I did it on my own. No one could make me work out and eat the proper foods. I had to make the choice to wake up everyday and do what I needed to do to become the healthy person my children deserve.

During the trying times in life, they help me focus and remain a calm, well balanced person.

I know it’s not going to be easy to get back into a groove. I know I have a huge mental struggle ahead of me, but I was strong enough to do it once, so I’m sure I’m strong enough to do it again.

From this moment on, I’m dusting myself off (again) and getting myself back on track….because I deserve to be happy, dammit!

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January 6, 2012 · 11:59 AM

30 Days To The New “Old” Me

I’ve been off the wagon for too long.

I’ve complained about being off the wagon for too long.

I’ve been sulking for too long.

I’ve become weak and it’s time to snap the fuck out of it.

Yesterday for my #JanPhotoChallenge, I posted this photo as my “something I wore” submission. The photo is of  the jeans I started this journey out in. They were a size 16 and I could barely button them. The jeans on top of them are what I am currently wearing as I type this blog and they are a size 4.

(Go ahead…pass the comment about how it looks like I’ve been spending a lot of time on my knees…everyone else did.)

The person who accomplished that goal was not weak. She was not a quitter. She didn’t make excuses and did things that people told her she couldn’t do.

I don’t know how I began to doubt myself, how I became so negative or how I gave up on myself, but today that has to all change. I have to do this for myself and for my own sanity.

As of today, I am doing Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred again. There is no reason why I can’t find 20 minutes a day to complete these workouts and get myself back into a groove.

So, here’s to the next 30 days of my life, where I will pull my head out of my own ass and find the spark within myself to reach new heights.

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*Thanks coach for pointing out my negativity to me during our brief conversation the other day. You made me take a deeper look and hopefully nudged me back into gear.*

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October 25, 2011 · 7:49 PM

Wait! I’m Not Fat?!

Three months ago I wrote a blog called “I Will Learn To Love My Body“.

*If you didn’t read it before, go check it out now, I’ll wait right here for you. No. Seriously, go check it out. What are you waiting for?

Well, while I wouldn’t say I am head over heels in love with it now, I certainly see the progress I’ve made and no longer see a “fat girl” in the mirror.

Unfortunately, I still have hang-ups. I have days where all I focus on is what still needs to be improved, but I’m human and we all have self loathing days, right? Plus I have the whole being a woman thing working against me here. Sigh…

Overall, the important thing to me is that I understand how far I have come, how hard I have worked and how important it is to remain healthy.

I don’t know why it took so long for me to come to terms with this. I don’t know exactly what changed and allowed me to accept that I have lost over 100lbs. I practically lost a person, yet I mentally carried all of that extra weight around with me on a daily basis!  What I do know, is that I am happy to finally be in this place and I hope I can continue to push forward and learn to fully love myself.

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P.S. – I had a slight set back (aka – I went into slacker mode) with Insanity but I’m scheduled to finish up next week and hope to blog about that soon.

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August 30, 2011 · 8:52 AM

I’m Still Alive!

It’s been awhile since I posted a blog here and I am sorry about that.

I’ve been very open about my current fitness struggles and there wasn’t much to blog about, since my diet and workouts were all over the place.

Yesterday I hit my fitness-funk bottom. I felt unmotivated, lazy and disappointed in myself. I knew I had to get up and get back on track, so I decided to start Insanity again.

I didn’t start with the Fit Test because I didn’t want to face the drop in numbers that I would see. I knew that would either work in my favor by motivating me OR depress me and send me further in my downward spiral….so….I played it safe and jumped into Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

Some people may wonder why I decided on Insanity as the program to get me back on track. Well, to me Insanity is just as much mental (if not more) as it is physical. I need to get my head back into the game in order to make the progress I’d like to see with my body, and this program forces you to be in it mentally.

This will be the first time I do this program on my own without the support of the #insanecrew, whom I truly miss. They kept me going when all I wanted to do was quit last fall. I’m hoping to find the strength to keep myself going…I have to, because going back to who I used to be just isn’t an option.

Wish me luck, and if you are starting a new routine let me know. Maybe we can keep each other motivate and moving forward.

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August 10, 2011 · 6:57 PM

Stealing Time


I didn’t have time to type up a blog this week so I stole a little time and decided to vlog instead….enjoy!

As always, thank you YouTube for using the worst possible freeze frame. SMH.

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August 2, 2011 · 11:35 AM

Back to Diet Basics

This week I realized that while I eat healthy, I allow myself a few too many cheat meals and don’t eat quite as cleanly as I should. Granted, I eat a million times better than I did before I started working on getting healthy, but there is still room for improvement.

I decided it was time to start logging my food into MyFitnessPal again and that I need to set my goals and make a check-list like I did when I first started out. I’ve noticed small things like stealing tastes of ice-cream at work, having soda at the movies and my new found love of “3rd degree burn” Doritos sneaking in here and there and THAT is not good….as a matter of fact it down right scares me.

Here are the goals I have set for now:

1) I will eat vegetables 5 times a day with every meal (assorted colored vegetables, green salads, fresh, steamed and grilled vegetables) in a  portion size of about 2 hands cupped together.

2) I will try eat complete lean protein 5 times a day with every meal (chicken breast, turkey, egg whites, low fat dairy, whey protein, lean red meat) in a portion size as big as the palm of my hand.

3) I will eat every 2-3 hours. This will require lots of  pre-planning and prepping, but I used to be great at it.

4) I will eat carbs other than veggies (oats, potatoes, pasta, whole wheat bread, legumes, etc.) for breakfast and or within 2 hours after my workout.

5) I will drink green tea with every meal and I will also drink at least 2 liters of water a day. I love to drink coffee but I will try to cut back to 1 cup a day (no cream). No soda, sugary drinks, fancy flavored coffees, etc (I’m pretty good at this but I have allowed soda while at the movies to creep back in). I will also cut back on alcohol.

I am curious to see how my body will react to this change. I am hoping for more energy and to shed a little more of the stubborn belly fat my body refuses to shed. Regardless of it all, I am happy I have maintained all of the goals I have achieved despite my slip-ups.

Also, I’m very happy to report that I am making progress in the area of accepting my body. I no longer look in the mirror and immediately look at the areas that need improvement (I eventually gravitate there, but I’m a work in progress, people!). I now see the hard work I have done, how far I have come and think I’m pretty effin awesome.

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July 26, 2011 · 11:48 AM

It’s Amazing What A Week Can Do

Last week I spoke about trying to love and accept myself for who I am and how I look.

I made a promise to myself that I would not beat myself up for every little thing. I worked on this all week and I am happy to report a boost in my self-confidence.

Unfortunately, I struggled with my nutrition and workouts. They were not perfect, but you know what? That’s OK…cause neither am I, and it’s those flaws that make me the person I am today.

Perfect doesn’t exist, and the sooner we all come to terms with that, the happier we will all be.

PERFECT: 

  • Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
  • Free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless
  • Precisely accurate; exact
  • Highly suitable for someone or something; exactly right
The above is this idea that so many of us strive for. We spend so much of our time and energy trying to achieve it that we miss the little things that make us who we truly are.

I know I have been guilty of this for a long time. There are so many things over this two-year journey I have achieved but glanced over because I was pushing for something that doesn’t exist. I was so hung up on the things I couldn’t do, that I showed no appreciation for the things I could and did do. (I lost over 100lbs and still stayed focused on what was wrong with my body….what is wrong with me?!)

Looking back on that now, I’d like to kick myself. What an idiot I was/am. My accomplishments were huge but never good enough in my eyes because I lacked respect and true non-judgemental love for myself. (How could I have ever expected other to give me praise and credit when I couldn’t give it to myself?)

It’s become obvious to me the final leg of this journey is purely mental. It’s all mind over matter and learning to respect, accept and love the person I am, where I have come from and where I am heading. All of these pieces need to fit together like a puzzle in order for me to truly accept myself.

In the long run, accepting and loving myself is all that truly matters, because if I don’t, I can’t expect anyone else to.

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June 6, 2010 · 3:48 PM

Drama + Haters = Fuel for the Fire

Everyone has drama in their lives at one point of another. Some of us are blessed with it more often then others (that is total sarcasm in case you didn’t know).

I often walk through life wondering if I do anything right. I can never seem to make everyone happy. I always do something to piss someone off and most recently my fitness achievements have made me a hated person amongst certain circles of people – there is nothing worse than walking through a room and feeling a giant target on your back!

However, I have learned to turn that drama and target on my back into fuel for my fire. Instead of getting worked up over it and saying things that can’t change the way another person thinks I unleash my fury in my workouts. The more someone says I am crazy for doing the workouts I do, or refuse to give me credit for the work I have done the more it makes me want to succeed and show them how wrong they are.

Instead of sitting around moping over a disagreement or some new drama that has cropped up I do Kenpo or grab my sneakers and hit the trail. Both help me to clear my mind, keep a level head and improve myself in the process. It also helps me to realize that the important part is that I am happy!

I am finally reaching a point in my life where I am putting myself first. I am surrounding myself with positive people. I am realizing that I CAN’T make everyone happy…that is impossible without completely losing yourself. I am doing everything possible to ensure that I reach my goals and do the things in life that I want to do. I can’t stop drama from entering my life or make people respect the life choices that I have made but I can certainly turn those things into fuel for my fire and reach my goals and most importantly achieve self happiness.

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